3 years ago today ...

... we lost Mum.  Sometimes it seems like yesterday, other times it seems such a long time ago.  Every time I go to Dad's I think of her.  I take the same route to Dad's that I took that last night when I was rung to say she hadn't long left.  I remember driving down the road, with the hospital building in sight, asking her to hang on.  She didn't.  She must have passed as I was parking the car.  I drive that same road and have that same view every week.  I remember that last few minutes as if they were yesterday.  I remember that it was the first time I was going to have a night off from sitting by her bedside.  I'd only left her an hour before the phone call came.  I think it was purposeful. I think she knew and she decided to spare me.  Did she?  I don't know but I don't think so.  I'd been there for her over all the years.  I was the one she called on in her hours of need.  I was also the one she didn't want to be a nuisance to but managed to be more of one in trying not to be.  I was the one that ultimately made the decision for the DNR on her notes although it would have been useless even if tried.  I wanted to be there for her at the very end and I wasn't. There are happy memories too, from times gone by, and I think of them and they make me smile.  Time does make it easier.

On a lighter note - I managed to get around to trying on my clothes purchases made at the beginning of the week and ........ yay!  I have clothes suitable for the wedding in Bali.  In fact, I have a small choice now so all is good and I can concentrate on the rest of the wardrobe to take - and make sure the hand luggage comes within size allowed.  3 weeks tomorrow and we'll be on the plane - just an hour away from landing in Doha and a 2 hour wait for our next plane - assuming, and hoping, there is no delay from this end :0)

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Not doing ...

... very well, despite all the good intentions!  6 days since I last blogged.  Guess there's not been a lot going on in those 6 days worth recording :o(

There's been 2 birthdays ... or there would have been 2 but as it is there was only one.  Daughter-in-law had hers on Sunday and I was called in for baby-sitting duties so that youngest son could take her out for the evening.  It's so easy babysitting the littlies in the evenings as they have really sensible (read 'early') bedtimes compared with a lot nowadays.  I arrived at 6pm to the sight of little 5 year old Amy's rear end at the top of the stairs on her way to bed. Little Zac (2 years old) had already been in his bed for half an hour and was well on his way to the land of nod. Em's, being the grand old age of 9 (those were the days!) had an hour to go before she had to be in bed. Mummy & Daddy left at 6:30 and Ems and I settled to watch a bit of 'Dancing on Ice'.  Naughty Nana Pam decided, as she was being so good, that she could stay up for an extra half an hour. Turned out to be just as well 'cos silly Sky box decided to play up and we lost nearly a whole 10 minutes trying to get TV up and running again.  Neither of us had much of an idea as to what had gone wrong but she had more than I did as I don't have it at home.  Anyways, between us we got it sorted out.  Once she'd gone to bed I didn't hear another peep from any of 'em!

The birthday that wasn't?  Mum's!  She would have been 82 on the 11th.  Can't believe it's nearly 3 years since she passed.

Weather has been a bit mixed but mainly damp, dull, wet and miserable.  There has been one reasonable day since I last blogged and I was going to go for another walk but eldest grandson paid a visit with his girlfriend.  It's a rare occurence nowadays ... getting older and developing a life as an adult (scarey!) ... so any chance to spend a bit of time with him is welcome.

Yesterday I collected, and delivered, Dad's hearing aid - fully repaired and working.  Wonder how long it'll be before it's back in to be repaired.  Hopefully it won't need to go in again for a good while but ... not gonna hold me breath - *lol*

The rest of the time, when I've not been doing the horrible housewifely stuff?  I made a couple of cards at the weekend - one for a birthday today (future step-granddaughter's) and one for the grumpy old man, whose birthday is next week, which I've entered into a challenge.  I'm also well on the way to completing the year book I started.  It's getting boring now though and it's pretty basic.  Trying to do a whole year with a prog you've only just installed and have no idea what could be done with it, is not the wisest move.  Will be investigating it in more depth to make the next year book a bit more adventurous .... or rather, interesting to look at *grin*

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Missing in Action ...

  ... again! Not through illness, thank goodness, but just busy, busy. So glad that I'm back to where I was before the illness and up for doing things. I've made a few cards using the novelty of my new craft area. Can't show them to anyone yet but it was great to have the space to do them.

Then there's been a couple of days doing my most favourite job ... NOT! Ironing! Especially NOT as the weather has been wonderful.  It's been my ideal of a happy medium but now it's getting hotter so perhaps summer has finally arrived! 

   

Anyhow, haven't done any ironing for so long I had to spread it over 2 days but it's done. I've also had to start sorting out my wardrobe again. There's no space for the new stuff I've bought 'cos wardrobe is full of clothes I can't get into any more. Dogs Trust trip coming up again methinks - *LOL*! Reckon I should open my own secondhand clothes shop. I've certainly got enough, including items that still have their tags on that I bought 3 years or more ago! To think, I recall commenting on all the items Mum had with labels on when I sorted her clothes after she died. Hmmmmm!

I've also sorted out what I'm taking, craft-wise, for my week in Spain, although I have thoughts of adding some bits. I've nearly decided what I'm taking clothes-wise. Need to make final decisions as have to pack. Flight is Thursday morning .... Yessssssssssssss! 

 

Continuing catchup (think it might be nearing an end - lol!) -

Moving towards midweek, pain started coming back.  Couldn't do anything about it as Dad took up early part of week with meetings at the apartments and chiropodist visit but I didn't linger longer than I needed to with either.

By Thursday night I was in agony and could barely breath.  Friday morning appointment made with a female GP - a face to face appointment!  Consult over and diagnosis ... pleurisy!  Antibiotics, heavy duty painkillers and rest (not that I could actually do anything else)  Somewhat different to heartburn/indigestion.  If only doc had listened to what I was telling him the week before 'cos it weren't any different to what I told doc this time!  Anyways, a week later the pain was gone and I could breath again - well, as well as I can breathe normally, which isn't always too good.  Absolutely blasted though and no energy at all but ... I'm now back to full health - yeah, right!  Apart from my long term, permanent health problem I'm back to full health ... and strength and actually feel as though I want to do things which, in my book, is all good.

While all this was going on the pond had a visitor ............. a large red damsel fly (yep, that is it's common name).  Beautiful!

Doesn't the waterlily look amazing?  They flowered for the first time last year.  This year they're back in more numbers and even bigger than last year.  Stunning flowers.

 

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Lovely day ...

... out yesterday.

When youngest son knew that Grandad wanted to go to Drusillas with the littlies he suggested we went one day this week, subject to weather. He was having some time off and they'd intended going anyway. The day was duly agreed and the weather played ball. Beautiful day, the best this year. Sunny, warm - a proper spring day! It was also the 2nd anniversary of Mum's passing and it seemed right to go and do something that she would've enjoyed. Not sure Dad was aware of the date and we didn't remind him but, he did enjoy himself ... we think *lol*. It's difficult to tell with him as he doesn't show, or articulate, much emotion. If I hear from the carers that he was exceptionally chatty then I shall know for sure he did *lol*!

The oldest and youngest members of my family - Dad & Zac.

Dad and the littlie girlies - Emma & Amy

Dad and my youngest, Wayne - with my daughter-in-law Claire, in background with Zac

Just a small selection of some of the animals we saw ...

Gibbons - Mum, Dad & youngster

Otters

... and this activity seems to be following me this year.  Not lions this time but ...

Yellow Mongoose!

On my way home through Ovingdean, having dropped Dad back at his flat, I had to stop and take a photo to prove that Spring had arrived.  Daffodils growing wild ... by the side of the road ..  with a tree just starting to break leaf bud.

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It was ...

... Mother's Day yesterday. I'd forgotten all about it until Friday when I was reminded. I guess, not having Mum this year, I hadn't given it any thought. Odd day for me as I would rather have ignored it but I have 2 sons so that was never gonna happen! Thought I was doing OK then somebody posted on the forum - a lovely thought - thinking of all those of us that have lost our Mum's over the past year, of which there have been far too many, I have to say. That set my mind off and have to admit to a few tears in private .... several times. 6 times I went to post something on the thread but I just couldn't find the right words so 6 times I typed something and 6 times I deleted it. I think what made it worse for me was that it's the first anniversary of Mum's death in a couple of weeks and I'm acutely aware of that coming up. Never did post to even say thank you as I couldn't bring myself to. The thought was in my head though so I hope Cathy, and everyone else, is telepathic - lol!! A big thank you for the thought ....

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It's .....

.... 2 months today since Mum passed away. Sometimes it seems an age ago and at others it seems like yesterday. I've been extra busy the last few days but it's paying off as I'm even closer to my goal of getting Dad sorted. His kitchen is nearly done and it's also nearly empty -lol!! The lounge and kitchen are taking a bit longer than anticipated but I don't mind that as at least I know that everything is now really clean - including the stuff that isn't being kept!! I've not heard any more from Age Concern about a cleaner so I'm assuming they can't supply one. I shall have to look elsewhere as there's no way, once I've finished this huge spring-clean, can I keep his house and sort mine out as well. I've really neglected my home - since Christmas really. If it wasn't for hubby we'd be knee deep in dust and dirt. I now want to go through our place, like I've done at Dad's, and dump everything that hasn't seen the light of day in months - years on some cases - :o((

I broke up my day today with a bit of .................. CARDMAKING!!! It's the first time I've made a card at home since ...... eerrmmmmm ........... I've forgotten, it was so long ago! I've also done a bit more than that but that is going to remain a secret at the moment but - watch this space!!

The poppy iris folded decoupage card I made on Thursday I have now trimmed and I like it even more. I haven't added a greeting but there's space to do so when I know what I'm going to use it for.

Today I made this one! I've actually got all 4 layers this time! I used silicone for the decoupage and managed to keep everything clean right up until I moved it to one side. I've now got a couple of darker marks on the side of the card :o((

I had to use the blue card as it was the only one that I had which with the right size aperture ..... and here's me thinking I had loads of 'em - lol!! Anyway, I quite like it and the colours went together quite well in the end. (As ever, click on images to enlarge)

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.

Oh Wow!!

I've had a comment from the Dogs Trust on one of my posts (here). :o)) No idea how they found me but I'm sooo pleased! Mum would be over the moon, especially if people have been kind enough to make donations to them as well. There were no flowers at her funeral (other than from the great-grandchildren) but we requested donations to the Dogs Trust, Shoreham. I've not heard from the Funeral Director yet, as to whether anyone did donate but, would expect to hear sometime soon as it's now a month and a day since her funeral. Reckon she's stocked the Shoreham shop for a good while with what Dad & me have taken out there in the last 4 weeks. Coming to an end now though but there could still be the odd thing to go.

Ollie - their dog - came from the Dogs Trust at Shoreham, in 1996, as a 6 week old puppy called Dallas. His name was changed to Ollie as my hubby was representing Great Britain in the Paralympics, held in Atlanta, USA, that year.

Over the years Mum supported the Trust in many ways but we regularly made trips to Shoreham with bedding, food and shop donations - at least 3 or 4 times a year. I have no idea where she got the stuff that we took out there or, more to the point, why she bought most of it in the first place! The majority of it seemed to go as totally unused or hardly used - lol! I sometimes thought she bought stuff deliberately with a view to it going to 'the dogs home'! We didn't have to think twice about what to do with her stuff when she died - LOL!

Busy few days -

- on top of getting excited about my balloon flight and having the class at the Glitterpot.

Thursday was a funny day. Funny odd, that is! My brother had said he wanted to scatter Mum's ashes in a certain place. I was happy to leave them for the Crematorium to deal with. That is, for them to be scattered in the Gardens of Remembrance, but I agreed that we'd scatter them as per my brother's wishes. Cutting the story a bit short, Mum is now sharing space with her first born, her brother and her Mum but not without taking a trip to the Garden Centre first so, she did make that final trip, even if she had to spend it waiting for us in the car! Not sure Mum would approve of what we've done as she never said it's what she wanted and she hadn't visited my sister's grave in 40 years but, it's done now. Apart from Dad, and he wouldn't remember now, I was the only person alive who knew where the grave was. As we were leaving we realised it was exactly a month from the day she died.

Thursday evening Dad and myself, or rather I, with Dad coming along for the ride, delivered his unwanted music centre (old style with deck etc) to a young man after we advertised it on Freecycle (he not only wants Mum's stuff cleared but a lot of his own as well) and Friday Mum's mobility scooter went. Today somebody collected an old portable TV we advertised as 'free to collector'. It was so old it was manual working - no remote - lol!! It still works though so will do somebody a turn and it's better than dumping it.

Saturday morning saw me cleaning the area that the scooter had used as a garage! That looks a lot brighter and fresher and Dad's pleased he has the space back. It's now the wheelchair's home but that doesn't take up anywhere near the amount of room the scooter did.

Yesterday I spent at an archery tournament that eldest was competing in. He won it last year but he came 2nd this year. Weather was superb although it meant I was chasing the shade but it was a lovely relaxing day for me! The year before last I won the ladies competition at this event but I haven't shot there since because of my frozen shoulder. I'm hoping to start up again with the nicer weather coming along.

Today! Well, today I did some more packing up and there's another bag fully packed and ready to go to the Dogs Trust and another 1/2 full. May yet have another trip out there this week - lol! I also had to take a trip out to the Glitterpot to take back one of the Woodware Flower Maker punches I bought on Friday. It didn't cut cleanly and it jammed. They had another so we opened it to test it before I brought it away and it's just as well we did 'cos that one did the same thing and the cut was awful! They tried the demo one from the workshop and that wouldn't even cut ordinary paper cleanly. I came away with 2 stamps instead and will steer clear of this particular punch I think. It's the Daisy Banque punch. Would make a brilliant flower if it worked!!

Anyway, that's my last few days, quickly. Could lengthen the story of the ashes but perhaps most is better left unsaid however, there's yet another spooky thing. For anyone that watches Emmerdale and has followed the story re Daniel. His cross has 'died 21st February 2008, Aged 6 months' inscribed. My sister's headstone has 'died 21st February 1950, Aged 6 months' ...............

I need to thank ....

.... all my friends on the imag-e-nation forum and elsewhere, for all the kind thoughts that have been sent to me over the last couple of weeks by whichever way they've been sent. I've had personal emails, PM's, posts and cards. They have all been of great comfort and it is brilliant to know that so many people care. So, here's to all my friends, to those I've known a long time, to those I've known and met only recently and to all my friends I've yet to meet - THANK YOU!

My hubby has been brilliant. Although wheelchair bound he has been seeing to everything in the house while I've been running round like a blue-a***d fly with the arrangements and looking after Dad. He's cooked, hoovered and dusted and generally kept everything ticking over, all the while fighting the additional pain that all these activities create for him. I couldn't have wished for more support and help than he's given and I definitely couldn't have managed without him and nor could I continue with what's left to be done without his support and help. He can be a right pain in the bum (well, he is a man after all) but I wouldn't change him - lol!!

I also need to thank my sons and their families. They have been so supportive and it has been truly appreciated, especially as they're grieving themselves and having to comfort their own children - my beautiful grandchildren - at the same time. I don't tell them enough what I think of them (they probably wouldn't want to know most of the time - lol!) but I love them, so to both of you -

THANK YOU and MUMMY LOVES YA!!

.... Who needs the Oscars and/or Baftas???

Today was the day.

Well, it's over and have to say it's just what she would have wanted ... simple and dignified ... although I can hear her say "and even that was too much!" My brother told me that it was the best he'd been to (if there can be a 'best' in these circumstances). No words were said. It was left to the music and our thoughts. The recording of 'Edelweiss' was hauntingly beautiful and very emotional and it couldn't have been bettered for her arrival. There was a couple of minutes quiet for us to reflect in our own thoughts and then 'So Long, Farewell' was played as the curtains came round. 'My Favourite Things' was exactly the right choice for us all to leave by.

We didn't have 'Lonely Goatherd' at all but, another spooky thing, Tuesday evening I had just finished telling my friends about the music choice and that I had wanted that track when it was played in the restaurant on their musak!






The flowers were just as ordered - bright and cheerful and full of daisies & chrysanth's - lol!

The buffet lunch at the alternative venue to the Garden Centre was superb. I think they catered for 150 instead of 15 so there was plenty for doggy bags but still loads left behind. I would not hesitate to use them again - I'd just halve the number to be catered for - lol!!

I think I now know why we couldn't book the Garden Centre. The venue we ended up using was a place that Mum, Dad, me & OH were going to have a meal at to celebrate our birthdays, earlier in the year. We had been waiting for Mum to be well enough for us to go for that meal. It looks as though fate stepped in and the whole family went instead ......

...Pity I didn't notice that the orchids (Mum's favourite flowers & given by her eldest grandson, my eldest) had twisted round in the cellophane so all I managed to photograph were the backs of them :o((

Spooky!

Youngest son rang last night to check arrangements for Mum's funeral today. He told me something that happened yesterday which is really spooky and, if anyone can put a rational explanation to it then, feel free! My daughter-in-law was out with the little ones (the 2 and 6 year old) and were driving through Rottingdean on their way home. As they drove up the High Street the youngest one said...... "I see Grandma" - not once but 3 times in succession. It gets spookier! She said it as they passed the Funeral Directors where Grandma was laying at rest at that moment. There is absolutely no way that the little one has any idea of what's going on. It's going over her head completely. Rottingdean holds no memory relating to Grandma for her and, obviously, she wouldn't know about the Funeral Director or anything else relating (she was only 2 in January) but ....... she saw Grandma.

Really disappointed...

The Garden Centre is unable to take us on Friday after the funeral as they already have a booking for 30. Really disappointed and upset as there is nowhere else that means what the Garden Centre did to Mum and the little ones. I've managed to find an alternative venue but it means nothing other than somewhere to have some refreshment afterwards. Feel a bit flat about it now and have to admit to having shed a few tears but I guess I need to look on it in the way I look on most things........ that they happen for a reason and if it was meant to be then it would have been. It makes the logistics of getting the youngsters, who won't be at the funeral, to the venue, a bit more difficult but it's not insurmountable. C'est la vie and I guess there's always something that's not quite as we'd like with most things.

You'd have to see it

Started clearing Mum's clothes. I thought I had a fair few and I knew she had stuff she'd never worn and a lot still with price labels on but - I didn't expect to find around 60 skirts, 45 blouses, 20 jackets, coats and macs, 30 pairs of shoes, 10 pairs of trousers (from somebody who didn't wear trousers until recently) and I've still to see to jumpers (whole wardrobe full on their own - lol!), nightwear and general bits and pieces that Dad wants to go. So far I've taken 4 dustbin bags of skirts, 1 of shoes, 2 of jackets & coats and 1 of blouses to the Dogs Trust, Shoreham, for their shop. I reckon that, by the time I finish sorting everything out, they could stock the shop with just what has been supplied by her - lol! Mum rarely bought cheap and most is very high quality so, if the items are priced sensibly, the Dogs Trust should make a good bit out of the donation. I do hope so as she would be over the moon to see the dogs benefit.

Dad has joined me on the trips to the homing centre, just for the ride out. Did the first trip on Monday, yesterday he was asking when we were going again so off we went again today. Weather has been good - bright and sunny - and, with the centre being about 15 miles away it's made quite a nice afternoon out.

Busy, busy!

What a busy few days - well, today and yesterday at least. What a shame that I had to 'lose it' with a Doctor on Wednesday to start to get anything done!

I phoned the hospital bereavement office at 10am on Wednesday, as instructed, to arrange to collect the death certificate so I could register Mum's death and start arrangements, only to be told that it wasn't available yet but they would contact me when it was. Expecting that to be within a couple of hours max I waited - and waited. I phoned back again but still no cert available. Waited again, phoned again - same reply. Made comment that it wasn't good enough and was offered to be put through to a doctor so I could complain ............. which I did. I have to confess that I ended up shouting and crying however, half hour later certificate was available. I did have to make the point that Mum might be dead but she was no less important, especially as I'd been waiting, that day, for 6 hours and she had, in fact, died the night before! Bereavement office thanked me when I finally got to pick up the cert yesterday morning as they say they have great trouble with the doctors completing these forms. They don't consider the people left behind.

Things have now moved on and everything - and I mean everything, not just the funeral - is arranged or in hand and all we can now do is sit and wait.

Cremation is next Friday, 18th April followed by lunch at the local Garden Centre where the youngsters, who won't be at the Crematorium, can join us. It is where Great-Grandma took them for 'Breakfast with Santa' every year. There will be no service and the music will be from the Sound of Music. The committal will be to 'So Long, Farewell'. The only flowers will be a small cut and tied spray bouquet of as many daisy varieties as possible plus a few chyrsanths - from 'her babies'.

There is a story behind all this. Mum has spoken for years about what she wanted when the time came - 'No fuss, no flowers and a cardboard box' She didn't really want a funeral at all but, as needs must, it is going to be as close to that as possible. Unfortunately the 'cardboard box' is somewhat more expensive than the cheapest traditional coffin so, because she'd hate the idea of us spending more than necessary, it's the cheapest coffin! The flowers from 'her babies' are our compromise to take the plainness off of the coffin but are going to be daisy's because Daisy was her name and - she hated it! She was only ever known by her middle name (which is also mine) Joy. The music is because she loved Austria and The Sound of Music (although I was the only one that thought 'The Lonely Goatherd' would be a good choice to come out to) and she didn't want any mourning so it's 'no black' as well.

All in all I think we'll have done her proud and I can see her smiling ruefully while we still get it in the neck for the few flowers (& type) that will be there but finally, we can do something our way and not hers!

It is now ....

Mum passed on earlier this evening. She's now at peace and her years of suffering are finally at an end.

Life is going to be very strange and different from now on. She has been my Nemesis since I was a young girl - couldn't live with her but not sure how I'm going to live without her.

Rest in Peace Mum

It's not over yet.......

............. but it's near. She is still on the infusion pump of morphine and sedative - and will remain so - and is not giving any indication that she is aware of anyone around. She's not taking any food or fluid on board and the saline drip has been taken away. We're not spending quite as much time at the hospital, although there is somebody with her most of the time from mid-morning to late evening. I've spent the morning there today but had the afternoon with Dad & Ollie and I'm having the evening off. I feel so tired and totally drained and just wish it was over now. I'm having to stay positive for Dad. He's coping extremely well at the moment but he has the odd moment where a few tears slip through. Totally understandable considering the number of years they've been married and the experiences they've shared.

Ollie is still not showing the symptons he had last week and he's still taking his medication, although the 2nd lot of pills he's not so keen to take so it involves me rolling round the floor to get them into his mouth and then keep the mouth shut until gone!!

Mixed emotions.

This is one weekend I do not wish to repeat! I've had 2 hours sleep in the last 48 hours. Got to hospital yesterday lunchtime to find Mum had been moved to a side-room and there she stays. Apparently she was so noisy and disruptive they had to move her from the main ward. She told me she was frightened and didn't want to be on her own and she was only trying to tell them but they wouldn't listen. I found out she'd asked the staff to phone me and had they?? All the family gathered through the afternoon and she was more content - so much so that the nursing staff commented on how much calmer she was. Sometimes you wonder where brains are kept! The family decided that somebody would be with her 24/7 to keep her calm and told the staff that was what was going to happen, like it or not. I did the night shift. This morning she was put on an infusion pump of dia-morphine and late morning they decided that she needed to be sedated as she was so stressed - something she (and we) had been asking for since she arrived. She's not stupid and, although she's not been told the outcome of this illness she has worked it out for herself. She has been persistent in her request - and I quote - 'to have something so that I won't know what's happening to me' This afternoon she was saying goodbye and requesting 'no fuss'. She has been sleeping peacefully since teatime and tonight we are all in our own beds - except her. Shifts will start again tomorrow morning, although not 24/7, and will continue until no longer needed. We are all hoping that it will be sooner, rather than later, for all our sakes but mainly hers. I see a once strong, proud and very private & 'proper' woman devoid of all dignity and feeling the need to apologise, in every waking minute, because she feels she is being a nuisance. Don't anyone ever tell me that euthanasia is wrong where there is no doubt as to the outcome of an illness. You wouldn't allow an animal to suffer in the way that my Mum is expected to - and I'm not talking physical, necessarily - life is about more than that. I am upset, but also very angry. Most of all we are all longing to see an end to her suffering.

In the meantime, Ollie seems to have found a new lease of life. He's either been 'jesting' or the vet's medicine is having wondrous effects. Whatever it is, for Dad's sake, I hope it continues for a long time as Ollie is currently giving him his purpose in life. I'm making sure that Dad is safe and getting his meals, calling in on a more regular basis between the hospital shifts and I'm having to persuade Ollie to take his meds twice a day. Dad's so confused, bless him, but he's managing, with help, and I'm so proud of him.

It was the lull!

I was hoping to have some good news and some new 'makings' to show today as I'd planned an afternoon of playing with my mate Cally. Unfortunately I haven't - on either count.

I had to rush Mum to hospital this morning. She hasn't been out a week yet from her breathing problem/pneumonia last week and now she's had an aortic aneurysm bleed (we didn't even know she had an aneurysm) and, because of all her other health problems, they are not putting her through the huge operation that would be needed to correct the situation. She just wouldn't come through it. Instead it's down to palliative care and she's now on heavy duty pain relief (hallucinating nicely) and we have to sit and wait for the inevitable. On top of that Ollie had the cancer diagnosis confirmed yesterday and he's also waiting. Poor Dad is having trouble understanding and coming to terms with it all and only time will tell how all this will affect him. It's bad enough facing the loss of the family 'baby' but to learn that he is also losing his wife of nearly 60 years could be just that one step too far. I saw him cry today for the very first time in my 57 years - so sad!

What a week!

It's been over a week since I last posted and what a time we've had! Easter passed completely uneventfully, except for the weather - LOL! Visited grandkids with their eggs, played hangman and helped with homework for a while. Was still feeling pretty lethargic although better in self but having forced myself to do some shopping I decided to continue on the 'force myself' programme - LOL! Then Tuesday arrived!

Oh boy - what a day! Made my normal morning visit to aged, disabled parents only to find Mum in a state of 1/2 undress (never, ever known before) and fighting for breath. Last time this happened she ended up in hospital from which she discharged herself (long story) but suffice it to say she wasn't too keen to repeat the experience. Called GP for a home visit but upshot was - she was sent to hospital! There she has remained until today and they've now discharged her but - she is still far from well! She has many, many health problems - GP calls her a complicated lady - lung disease, heart failure, diabetes, hypertension, macular degeneration, ulcerated legs and I'm sure there's some I've missed! Dad, bless him, has bad memory problems (mild dementia) and is a worry wort but he's also disabled (severe mobility probs due to several causes), blind in one eye, hypertension blah-de-blah!! Not only have I had hospital visiting but extra visits to Dad to make sure he hasn't done anything silly - like burning the house down - and also to get his dinner as he hasn't a clue how to use either the oven or the microwave. He's been shown soooooooo many times how to but, he just doesn't remember. Dad is 86 and Mum is 79. Growing old is fine if you can keep your health and faculties. Unfortunately neither is the case with my parents and I'm getting older by the minute - :giggle:. Have had no time this week to 'look after myself' as they've had to take priority but this morning I've had a bad one. Can't quite put finger on it but I feel as though my post-viral probs are catching up a bit! Just hope I've recovered enough that some resistance has built up and I'm not going down with anything again .................. please, pretty please!