Friday, 15 January 2010

To lie or not ...

... to lie? Honesty is always the first priority as far as I'm concerned but when our legal system makes a mockery of that you have to ask yourself ..... why? Where does honesty actually get you? Other than having to live with yourself, if you have a conscience and morals, I'm guessing honesty doesn't really matter any more.


Eldest son walked out on his marriage 13 months ago, on 28th November 2008. He would have been married 18 years just 10 days later. Not a bad record for somebody who'd only seen his 18th birthday 5 days before he married. He came back home to live and we saw the torment he went through wondering if he'd done the right thing. He knew he had - as did we - but he still doubted although I think it was more regret at having to leave his children behind. He filed for divorce a few months later citing unreasonable behaviour and giving the reasons why. All valid and some documented with totally reliable sources. It was refused. The court decided that he hadn't proved his case (although his wife had signed the forms agreeing to his statements and the divorce). They wanted more detail - dates, times of incidents ... and more of them. How many people document upsets throughout their married life - no matter how bad they are? I know I didn't when I was being hit or verbally abused and no more did my eldest. You don't document these things because you don't anticipate that 'one day I may need them'. There were 4 incidents that could be dated with witnesses or proof, the last being the day he left. The others were in the memory and happened privately but these things build over time and then an incident happens and it's the final straw. That's when you call time.


In the meantime eldest met somebody else. Talking it over it was decided that it would be easier - and ultimately quicker - if his wife applied for the divorce citing adultery. Because he'd never cheated on her and his new relationship started after they split, there were no grounds for adultery so, they lied! Not just on the grounds but with the date that he left the marriage. The divorce is now final and absolute, which he is really pleased about but, it shows him to be the one that caused the split when he wasn't and the divorce was granted to his ex instead of him. He says he doesn't care - as long as he's divorced - and perhaps he doesn't but it's wrong that it's based on lies when I've always lived and brought my sons up to not accept deceit in any way. It's what ultimately ended my marriage to their father but it seems that the law isn't interested in honesty or .... could it be that females are looked on more favourably on the divorce front? She wasn't asked to prove the adultery. The court accepted the lie ... the accusation and admittance of adultery ... so why wasn't her admittance of unreasonable behaviour on his original petition accepted in the same way?


Makes you think, eh? It certainly does me! Perhaps honesty doesn't pay after all but - I have morals and a conscience so, even if the law no longer works on honesty I'll continue to do so .....

Thanks for dropping by .....

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

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Sue c said...

It makes you wonder sometimes.The system is wrong in so many ways.
Sue