Monday, 17 December 2018

It's been ...

... 3 months. Well, 3 months and a few days.  Time flies.  Sometimes it feels like yesterday.  Other times it feels like eons ago.  I decided to go on the cruise that we'd booked while on his first at Easter.  I'd cancelled it in August when it became obvious that he'd not be well enough to go.  In all honesty, I anticipated we'd never do it when it was originally booked, but the deposit was small and it was worth risking it's loss just to give him something to look forward to.  Considered thoughts for a few weeks and I rebooked the cruise a month before sailing.  It was very different to my previous 2.  It was emotional, especially as I scattered some of his ashes while on board.  Part of him now shares the sea just off the coast of Portugal.  I met some lovely people who included me - if I wanted to be included - but put no pressure on me.  I caught up with somebody I met on the Easter cruise - one of the young, talented Headliners. Not the most flattering photo of me but hey, never mind ...
Let's try another one
 ....
I am now, along with everyone else, preparing for Christmas.  I'm not decorating.

Last weekend the eldest and my daughter-in-law took me and her parents to London.  We saw a show ... Bat out of Hell, which we thoroughly enjoyed.  We caught up with my nephew, brother and sister-in-law while there ...   
... and were disappointed with the lights in Oxford Street.
I've had catch ups with friends, weekends away, I'm trying to keep busy.  Busy keeps thoughts at bay.  I've made plans and making plans.  I've lots to do in the meantime.  I never thought it would be this hard.  I thought I was prepared for it.  Seems not!

I've put everything on hold now until after Christmas then it's onwards and upwards.  I've lots to sort still.  I've a week away with friends booked.  I've a couple of shows booked ... Hugh Jackman at the O2 for one, so that will be an adventure on my own.  I've other things, hopefully, in the pipeline.  I may even get back into regular blogging (don't hold yer breath!).  I've plenty to look forward to and it's what he would have wanted.  My life takes a new road and I guess, Mum would say, I'm now retired!

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Tuesday, 25 September 2018

It's weird ...

... some days seem like normal.  The normal I've got used to over the past few years.  Extended stays in hospital or the hospice so I'm on my own during the day and at night and it's pretty much how it is now - except there's now no hospital or hospice visiting.  I've been hospital visiting since July.  I don't need to go out now, part way through the day, and that's when I realise it's not the same.  Before, he came home, eventually, and life resumed together.  Now there's no coming home and life won't resume together.  33 years together.  Half my life, pretty much.  I'll miss him. 
Out of pain, out of anguish, no more suffering.  
Rest in peace my husband, partner, friend.
Dad, Grandpa, Great Grandpa and general pain in the butt!
Paul - 23rd Feb 1940 to 11th Sept 2018
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Saturday, 10 March 2018

I missed it! ...

... the 10th anniversary of this blog.  Born on 1st March 2008.  Not that I've been a very good blogger for the past few years but it's still a milestone - I guess.
Belated Happy Blogaversary, PeeJay's Ramblings. 
Perhaps one day I'll start to blog properly again .......
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