Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Things could be ...

... looking up! I heard today that Dad is being offered a place in Extra Care Sheltered Housing and there's an open day on Friday. It was never a given that he would be offered a place as it's only possible on Social Services referral. He would only have been offered it if his (and my) 'needs' were deemed great enough to warrant the 'extra' care. Not full residential care, which would have been ideal, but the nearest you can get without it being so. I am sooooooooo pleased as I can see me becoming his daughter again but - the news went down like a lead balloon. If I'm honest, I guessed it would but then it was never going to be easy for him. He's lived in this house since 1954 so it's home but it's far too big for him and he doesn't need the huge garden. He only goes outside the door now if I take him out - for whatever reason - so guess he's become a recluse, which is not good. Hopefully this move will open up his horizons as well as giving me my life back before I'm too old and ill to enjoy it. Having had him in respite this last week and actually having my time to myself, mainly, I have seen - and felt - what caring for him is doing to me. I felt energised and motivated last week. This week I'm back to feeling down and teary. Stupid, stupid, stupid but can't help it. I'm not cut out to be a carer. Some people are and some aren't and I'm one of the latter. I feel guilty about it I suppose but then I'm only a product of Mum & Dad and the upbringing I had. I know that my health is going to deteriorate and I feel that I need to take my time now, while I can 'cos it ain't gonna last and I can't take that time and care for Dad full-time as well. I have to do my bit by making sure he gets the best care possible, which I think I've managed ..... hopefully ..... so now it's onwards and upwards, for both of us (after the stress of getting him moved and clearing the house of the remainder of stuff he doesn't need - hehe!)

Thanks for dropping by .....

6 comments:

Budge said...

So pleased to hear this news Pam.
it will be an upheavel for your Dad but at the end of the day it is the best solution. You need your life back.
sylv xx

Janetvr said...

You do your best and no one can ask for more. Your Dad is lucky he has a daughter like you. Bless you both.

Jak Heath said...

Stop those guilt feeling now Pam, there isn't many that would put as much time and effort into caring the way you have and once your Dad is settled you will be able to become a daughter again an spend some quality time with him.
Good on you Pam I know it won't be easy but it will be the best result for both of you.

sheffsue said...

Good news Peejay..like you say yourself, you will be able to be a daughter again. Your dad will be ok when the time comes....he will probably have more of a social life which can only be good..and you can enjoy more time for yourself.

Sue x

Sylvia said...

Pam please don't feel guilty.......i used to always feel that before my Dad went into Sheltered....I lived on the next corner so when he took one of his turns it was me who used to run down and find him on the floor nealy dead...honestly you do need your time out and I know its easier said than done about feeling guility....you are doing well and wait until your Dad is settled he will end up having more friends than you or me.....and as Jak said you will become the Daughter again.....I know you can't help it but please take a deep breath and tell yourself you are doing the best you can....for both of you...

Sending you loads of Hugs
Sylvia R xxxxx

Anonymous said...

Pam it looks ideal. I'm sure he will soon settle in and you will have peace of mind as well as some you time too! I wish you both the best of luck. Viv xx