Saturday, 20 June 2009

Oh dear ...

... it's certainly back down to earth with a bang! Dad's been playing up again. Had another phone call from the Resource Centre today and they tell me he's being 'rebellious'. He's getting angry and being totally uncooperative. He's not doing anything to help himself yet doesn't want anyone there to help him and shouts at them when they try. They tell me he seems to prefer male carers to female ones (guess that's understandable). He's telling them he hasn't seen me in months and is missing me. Hasn't mentioned anyone else it seems. This carer wanted to know what his normal carers were like and what he is like with them. Bearing in mind, until 3 weeks ago (is it only 3 weeks ago???) his only 'carer' was me - well, couldn't answer that one really, although he seemed OK with those he was getting to know at his new home. She told me that he was very confused and seemed to understand very little of what was going on with him. She said she'd sat with him for about 20 minutes this morning and tried to explain things and he'd quietened down and was sitting reading his papers. Perhaps they need to spend a bit more time explaining things so that he understands, as it could be he's frightened, if he doesn't know what's happening - or why. She told me things that I'd heard before, but from Mum - and we'd always thought that Mum was exaggerating because of her own problems but I am fast coming to the conclusion that perhaps she wasn't and I've just never seen that side of him. The man that this carer described today and the one they were telling me about on Monday, is not the man that I know, although the staff on Monday agreed he had changed dramatically. Dad's always been so laid back, or so he's seemed to us, that he's been nearly asleep! Seems his mobility is still extremely bad and I am having great difficulty in understanding why that should be ...

I shall be calling to see him tomorrow so will see what he's like then and try to talk some sense into him. I don't hold out much hope and really don't know what to do about his behaviour. He's my Dad, not my child! All I can think is that, if his behaviour doesn't change from what it is now and if his mobility doesn't improve, how on earth can he continue to live independently, with or without carers? ... and why do I feel so damned guilty at the whole situation? Why do they make me feel guilty? Perhaps they don't mean to but they certainly do!

Thanks for dropping by .....

4 comments:

Toni said...

Oh Pam sending you huge hugs xxxxx

Liz said...

Oh Pam I am so sorry to read this and after you had such a brilliant weekend last week. Please don't feel guilty I went through the same thing with first my dad and then my mum. I think it is because you feel you cannot do anything to help but believe me it's not your fault. Don't be like me and end up living with the guilt years after they are gone. The carers do their best but they are inclined to lay the guilt at your door unintentionally or not. Take care, thinking of you and big hugs. Liz x

Anonymous said...

Just a big hug from me Pam,x
Sue c

Pamela said...

Sending you hugs Pam,I know it's hard but please try not to feel guilty. It's not your fault your dad is ill. And that is what is at the bottom of all the aggression, mood swings confusion etc. It's nothing you've done or haven't done it's just the way it is. The behaviour you are describing sounds all too familiar to me.
Take care

Pam x