Friday, 3 July 2009

What a way ...

... to spend 3 hours! Should have attended a home visit with Dad and his 'team' of support workers but got a phone call Monday offering me a space that had come free with the Rheumatologist and the time? Yep, the same day and time as the home visit on Wednesday! Decided fate had stepped in to tell me that I shouldn't be there and that I should start to get my leg sorted. 3 hours of being pushed, pulled, prodded, poked, nuked and needle stuck and have I got an answer? Nope! Carry on with the painkillers! One good thing - X-rays of hips and chest came back clear so no 'nasties' there. Now waiting on an appointment for an MRI scan of the soft tissue and bone.

Dad's home visit went well. Seems both the OT and physiotherapist consider him quite capable of living on his own, with increased support but, his main problem is his anxiety. They feel that, although it's probably psychosomatic, if it can be treated short-term we should see an improvement. Trouble is, Dad is a worrier and always has been. Clear one thing away and he finds something else to worry about so not sure that treatment can be short-term but it's been suggested that a placebo be used to see if he improves if he thinks it's being treated. I'd prefer that way as a first option but guess they'll have the final say on that one. He has been given 2 options .... to return to his new home and give it a try for another 4 to 6 weeks and then we all meet and assess how he's doing and how he feels, or to go into residential care - which they have painted a very bleak picture of. They feel Dad is too able to benefit from residential care but if he insists then he can go - because of his anxieties. He's now said he wants to give his new home another try but he's been warned that he's got to have the right mindset to do it and not do what he did before. He will have increased care initially - and then it will be reviewed if he does settle to see if it's to continue at the new level or can revert to what he had at the start.

He's still not walking with a stick but using the walking frame and he's not doing anything at all where he is because they're trying to minimise his falls. Not sure not letting him do anything for himself is a wise move but then I'm not a professional carer although I do feel that they're pandering to him and he's got them playing to his tune.

I've decided that my Dad is Jekyll and Hyde - Hyde being the man that Mum lived with and Jekyll the man the rest of us knew (note past tense!). So much is coming from the carers that I've heard from Mum and it's all to do with his selfish side. I've also seen Mr Hyde recently and can't say as I liked him much. Starting to understand where Mum was coming from and now feeling bad about not listening to her more. Just keep hearing her say 'you don't know what it's like ... you don't live with it!' so many times and me trying to make her be more understanding of him. Now I realise I should have been more understanding of her but she was an outwardly strong - and some would say domineering - woman where Dad came across as quiet, reserved and yep ..... probably hen-pecked. Now I'm not at all sure that's how it was and it goes to show that nobody, but nobody, knows what goes on behind closed doors except the 2 persons concerned! Outward appearances mean nothing ...


Thanks for dropping by .....

1 comment:

Janetvr said...

Pam, something very similar happened in our family - except Dad was the misunderstood one. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but not much consolation.
Wishing for a speedy solution to your leg problems. All the best. Janet