Just how many ...

... tears can a person cry in one day? It's been an awful day.

I didn't call on Dad yesterday, thinking it would help him settle in better if I stayed away for a while but, I called quite early this morning to drop off his daily papers - I haven't managed to sort out a delivery yet. How I wish I hadn't! I've never seen anyone deteriorate so quickly. He has no idea where he is or what he's supposed to be doing. He was completely confused, could barely walk and virtually incoherrent. If I were to hear that he's been found face down on the floor I wouldn't be at all surprised.

This morning he wasn't fully dressed and couldn't put his shirt on, let alone find one. I then found out that he hasn't taken any of his pain-killers since he moved, despite being reminded to and showing him where they are (in the same place as they were before he moved) .... it's no wonder he's in so much pain he can barely walk. I tried to explain to him that he needs to take his medication but I don't think he's listening. Because he can, normally, self-medicate the carers haven't been dealing with that side of things - only his eyedrops. Fortunately a carer came in while I was there and I expressed my concerns about how much he's gone downhill (obviously they have no idea what he was like before he moved) so it's now been noted that he has to be reminded about his pain-killers - at least for the time being while he's settling in. Trouble is the pain-killers are 'as required' There's no set time for him to take them so he may not need them on their visit times. He's blaming everyone for not giving them to him or reminding him to take them but he never had anyone remind him, or give them to him, before - he just took them when he needed them. I get the impression that he thinks he's now in residential care where everything would be done for him (which is what he really wants rather than do anything for himself). I've tried to explain, again, that he has to do the same things for himself that he did before. That the carers are only taking over what I did for him ... and nothing else ... but I'm sure he's not listening.

He has just 3 rooms in his flat but he gets lost however, I think I've figured out why. He's the original 'crooked man'. He can't stand up straight. His posture is a figure 'S' and he shuffles his feet when he walks because he can't pick them up. His back and knees are permanently bent and his feet are splayed and, because of this posture, he's always looking at the floor when he walks. It suddenly hit me - he's navigated around his old home by the flooring ... probably for years. Each room had different flooring so he knew exactly where he was by what was on the floor. He never had to look ahead of himself to see where he was going and he's not doing so now and the problem? All the flooring in the flat is the same throughout, with the exception of the kitchen area (although that's the same colour) and the bathroom. I know he finds it difficult to hold his head up to look ahead but it hasn't occurred to him to even try to so that he can see where he's actually going. I need to think of a way of guiding him around the flat allowing for his posture ...

I've never seen my Dad as he was this morning and every time I think of it I am wracked with guilt that he is going through this because of me and the tears start again - for him and for me. I'm not calling now until Wednesday so I will see how he is then but, my brother is hoping to visit him tomorrow. Perhaps he'll have a different story to send me .... I'm so hoping he does!

There was a good part of the day today .... it'll follow in another post 'cos I've photo's to upload from camera first.

Thanks for dropping by .....